Live Update from the End of the World

03/20/2020

Hey there. It's been a while.

Let me tell you where I've been.

The last we spoke, I released a novel and no matter how many times I say it, it will never be enough: thank you to each and every person who's picked up a copy. I never could have imagined the encouraging words and responses to this little story I wrote. I, along with THE B-SIDE team, changed a lot of hearts, which is more than I ever could have asked for.

The thing they don't tell you about writing, or making any kind of art really, is what happens after. No one tells you that the songs you listened to when working on the project won't sound the same anymore. No one tells you that for every person who cares to read it, it seems like there's a hundred more dismissing it. No one tells you that, although you've gained something indescribable in sharing yourself with the world like this, you've lost something too.

At first, I thought I was simply struggling to let go of these people I created. They were everywhere, every time someone asked me what happened after or I looked at a blank screen.

In the few months after THE B-SIDE release, I started probably somewhere close to fifteen different projects. None of them took off, or at least they haven't yet, and I was feeling incredibly frustrated with my sudden inability to write. I still am.

Burnout being a very real possibility, I decided to cut myself a break. I played more music than I have in years and anxiously waited to hear back from graduate programs.

This is where things get...iffy.

Since the beginning of this blog, I've prided myself on being honest and transparent with you. Here's the hard truth: I didn't get into every graduate program I applied to.

It felt like an end, not a beginning. It felt the universe was throwing up every red flag, begging me to turn around and put a bullet in this crazy dream of mine.

I guess this is the part where I should reassure you that I didn't. I'm going back to school this summer but that's not the point I'm trying to make here.

In order to get to said point, we've got to take a little detour. Let me tell you about my experience getting to my undergraduate institution.

Unlike this time around, I was accepted to basically every program I applied to and my options were endless. Like everyone else, I made my decision in late April and committed to Syracuse University.

As you probably know, I don't hold a Syracuse Bachelor's.

The details aren't important but at the last second (literally, I think it was like June or July), I changed my mind and went to Geneseo. You know the rest.

I mention this little antecedent because, ironically enough, I've decided to pursue my MA in Television, Radio & Film at none other than Syracuse University.

See, this still doesn't feel like a beginning but it doesn't feel like an end either. It feels inherently right, like coming full circle.

It's taken me a moment to get here but I think I finally understand what it means when they say everything will work out the way it's meant to. It kind of feels something like fate. So, as disconnected as I feel from writing right now, as horrible as the state of the world is looking, I know we'll be okay. For the first time, I have faith.

I apologize for my absence but hopefully, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled posting soon. Until then, make art, celebrate, and stay safe. Sending all my love. Take care of each other. xoxo bcp   

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